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master thesis during corona & war

I never thought I would write about it. But I want to write a few words about the time, about the context in which everything seems to take place.

For more than two years now, the global pandemic has been with us. Two years in which you can and want to see your relatives only sporadically, because you are afraid of infecting them, of infecting yourself, you are afraid of travelling and simply cannot and do not want to take any risks. As a high-risk patient, the pandemic also feels to me personally like playing with fire. I am constantly caught between not going to university to keep my risk of infection as low as possible and still going to university to be able to work adequately. I was so relieved after my first vaccination, just like after my second. I didn't have the same feeling after the third vaccination. I don't feel safe. I am afraid of getting infected every day. I now test myself twice a day.

Then I hear from family members how many people in their immediate vicinity are affected, or they themselves in some cases, and I worry. Worried about their health, worried about who is taking care of them and worried because I can't be there.

It is a pressure, a burden that one can hardly withstand. It's not just me, it's all of us. This is the framework in which we as students are writing a master's thesis. You leave the house and first go to a test centre to make sure you can work at the university at all. With restricted access to the university or library. With masks during the stay at the university. Then I also lost about 12 pages of my written work due to a technical melt down. Sleep has hardly been in sight for a long time anyway.

And then the political situation got worse and worse not so far away. There is a war in Ukraine after the country was attacked by Russia. People are dying. It is a must to be informed. And even if this visibility is so important, and this ultimate truth simply corresponds to reality, it is hardly bearable. No matter where you are, you are confronted with it. It is only logical to show solidarity, but the energy for activism is hardly there anymore. Is it even possible to post something on Instagram, to share your process, when there is war elsewhere? How can I just keep going? I cant-

The master's thesis. the master's thesis. ... It is buzzing above everything in the head. but it is pushed aside by other essential thoughts and truths. In the end, everything is just spinning, the energy has long been exhausted and the pressure is just too high.

As I write this, I am sitting at my desk. Everything around me is actually normal. I am privileged. I don't have Corona at the moment. There's no war in Berlin. The sun is even shining.

But I still can't be happy and I'm not making any progress with my work either.

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